Okay, here's my update. (:
Last week, I went for the Marriage course with him.
We were both nervous at first especially the morning session.
However, the evening session was much more relaxed.
Oh yes, we took the course in a private academy.
So we need to attend only one session & that's it.
& that cost us $300 including our 2 certificates of course.

Just a few days ago, he bought me a simple ring.
Fairuz did helped out to decide which design.
I was quite happy but worry over the big financial issue.
So in short, today, his mum & himself is coming over later.
You know, to talk about marriage issues & stuff.
So I will update more once it's confirm okay?

Lotsa Love. <3
Blogged @ 6:32 PM
Aqeeda

Well, here I am, back again after 2months.

The reasons for not updating, busy or just plain lazy.

Okay, right now, I am really down.

So before these tears really begin to control me,

I should as well, start typing and let it out.



I don't know why am I so XTRA emotional the past few days.

Is it because of PMS or just because I was expecting too much?

I was obviously counting to my birthday since last month.

I thought I will be able to celebrate it at least with someone.

Anyone. Family, friends. Doesn't have to be someone special.



But well, to my own disappointment, none.

I know I'm used to not celebrating it.

But hey, I do have feelings. I do want to feel special.

It's been like years since I really went out and celebrate my birthday.



I really wanted this to be special. Since it's my 21st.

I purposely made no plans. Just in case.

But all I did was I went to school for my OA & phonics course.

I went home after that. Still having no plans.

Wiwik & Sakinah did gave me a surprise at the MRT.

Still, it didn't managed to bring my spirits up again.



I went home. Mum was there watching TV as usual.

I couldn't be bothered anymore. Cos I was on the verge of crying.

So I just locked up my room & sleep the whole evening.

Woke up at night to watch my favourite show & eat.

I went back to my room & tried to sleep but failed to do so.

I kept on thinking & thinking till about 2+am.


I felt so NOT special. To even anyone.
Even he, did not make any time for me. Haish.
So here I am, wishing myself a 'HAPPY' 21st birthday 2days ago.
Blogged @ 10:12 PM
Aqeeda

Yes. I am having a mixture of feelings.
At times, he can make me feel so happy.
Yet other times, he can leave me crying.
At times, he can make me feel secure & calm.
Yet other times, he can make me feel frustrated & irritated.

The first time I get to know him, I had no intention of being more than friends.
I was too hurt already. & I was happy being single & alone.
Eventhough, at times I felt lonely & yearn for someone's love so much.
But as time goes by, little did I realise that this feelings for him have gone this far.
I hope, it can be controlled & it won't drift further so much.
I don't want to be hurt again & again.

He's nice to me. But then again, I'm scared it's only for a short while.
I'm scared he will change & show his true colours.
He always make sacrifices & have been patience with me.
& I'm scared he will lose his patience & get bored with me.
Cos all my ex-es are all like that. They were only nice in the beginning.
Then, they will change from a faithful & loving person.
To someone unfaithful, angry & uncompromise person.

No matter how good he is that he have shown me.
& how his sister has tried to convince me of his good behaviour.
I still have this insecure feeilng. I'm so scared.
Yet at times, I just wanna let it all out.
I want to be loved so much & also loving a person with all my heart.
Why this time round, it seems so hard? Why?
Sometimes, I blame myself. For being stupid, naive & so hard-headed.

Last time, I used to be so naive in love. So so naive & soft-hearted.
Always crying to the guy whenever they leave me.
Crying & doing stupid things whenever I had a break-up.
I used to sacrifice so much for a guy. Loving them with all my heart.
Spending every bit of my time that I have. Faithful to them.
Till I deleted all my guy contacts & stopped going out with my guy friends.
Like how they asked me to. & yet what did I get?
They get bored with me & went out with some other girls.

& now, I'm the one who is so hard-headed.
Refusing & trying to avoid love as much as I can.
I know I'm hurting him with all my words.
But I'm doing this for my own security.
I want to be in love deeply. But I'm scared to do so.

Seeing him reminds of the OLD me.
& I know how much it hurts him like how I did last time.
Which is why I blame myself for being like this.
Am I really wrong? Shoud I really be this way?
Am I selfish for being this way?
Cos just to keep myself secure, I'm hurting others?
But when I'm so nice, guys tend to take advantage.
So what should I do? I'm confused. :(

P.S: I hate Kamal. He's such a procrastinator.
Blogged @ 2:32 PM
Aqeeda

God. It hurts so much. I can't take it any longer.
I've been crying since afternoon just now.
Mye eyes are in pain right now. Haiz.
I really hate you right now. Don't you bother me again.

For the past 2 wks, I've been asking you to go & check.
But you never did. You didn't make time for it.
You know how I am looking forward to this trip.
& you just have to blew it away don't you?

I've been planning for this trip so hard.
Been calling up the hotels to check the latest check-in timing.
Calling up the ICA to check on your passport.
& all I get from you is you can't make it for the timing.

Seriously, it was a total disappointment & stress for me.
Just to handle all these things. It's stressful.
Plus, with the release of exam results which was a total sucks!
My GPA drop further to 3.7 lars. Haiz.

I can't type anymore. My brain is now jammed.
Toodles aite.
Blogged @ 8:08 PM
Aqeeda

Guys. I wonder. What do they really want from us.
I don't understand guys. Really. I'm so hurt.
On the verge of breaking down again. Hate myself.
I don't need anyone but I hate when all these are happening to me.

One of my ex wanted to patch up. Hmmm.
However, to me, it's lame. After not liking that someone.
Then he's saying all these to me. It's BULLSHIT.
I'm not someone you can forget when you have someone.
& then you can simply come back to me when you don't have anyone else.
I'm SO NOT gonna fall for that sweet words of yours okay.

& I freaking hate LIARS. I hate guys who just give empty promises.
If you can't fcuking keep to that promise, might as well you don't okay!
My ex-es seemed to have these problems. Promises that they can't keep.
Promise that they change, forget their ex, faithful to me.
In the end, fcuk all! They NEVER CHANGE. NEVER FORGET THEIR EX.
WENT CLUBBING WITH SOME OTHER GIRL & LIED TO ME.
CONTACT THEIR EX. STILL WEAR THE RING THEIR EX GAVE.

You know what?! I don't fcuking need you! Guys like you should just extinct!
I'm BETTER off without you okay. Go & fcuk yourself aite!
Hmmm. I think I should go & relax my mind & myself.
Tomorrow, I have to go work for F1. Sorry for my language aite people.
Blogged @ 8:16 PM
Aqeeda

I was browsing through my friend's engagement photos.
Gosh. Deep inside me, I'm so envy of her.
She seems to have the ALMOST perfect life doesn't she?
While here I am, struggling in every bits & pieces of my life.

She was my sec school friend. Her 1st r/s didn't work out.
& now, she's already engaged with the 2nd boyfriend.
Me? Countless of broken r/s & still struggling to trust guys.
Luck is not with me I think. Haish. I'm speechless.

As I looked around & see my closest friends. They are so ahead of me.
One is married, one is engaged. One is about 3yrs plus r/s.
One is 8months r/s & I hardly went out with her anymore.
I know I shouldn't be rushing into this kind of stuffs.

BUT! I have my own reasons. Others are going after their dreams.
But one of my dreams is to have my own dad to walikn my wedding.
I want both my parents to be there to witness my solemnisation.
Mind you, they are not getting younger. Mum is 53 and dad is 59.

I know I have done so many mistakes last time.
I hope that future husband will guide me to the right path.
He's the one who will open my heart & be my everything.
My husband, best friend, companion, guidance...

He will be the one who will show me my new world.
I will not just be a girl and a daughter anymore.
But a wife and a mother. A new level of being a woman.
& I'm so looking forward to that aight. Hmmm...

Mum has been asking when I will be getting married.
It's so hard to answer her that question you see.
I want to but how can I? When I don't even have anyone.
Mum has agreed that she's okay if I were to solemnise at ROM.
Then we will sanding at a later date when we have enough money.

Not only was I left behind in the marriage aspect, but education as well.
I see my friends who I knew back then in Normal Technical stream.
They are now already pursuing their Diploma right now.
But again, here I am, still pursuing Higher Nitec in ITE.

I knew I chose this path. I love being in ITE. Great people & management.
But... I don't even know whether I'm able to go poly after this.
All due to financial problems. I've been waiting for 3yrs you see.
It's not as if i flung my 'O' levels & Nitec. I did well. Haish.

So basically, I feel so down right now... I cried when looking at the photos.
Was I even jealous? She had a secure job with a Diploma pursuing Degree.
Her fiance is a Police Coast Guard with a car & a bike. But the greatest is...
Her fiance is a very nice & patient guy. Never once I heard they had a big quarrel.
Never. For their first 9months of r/s, they nevery had any quarrels before.

& he always have surprises for her. Last year Feb, I went out with them.
I remembered he apologised to her that he was not able to go out with her for V Day.
We were in the car. & there he was giving her a bracelet from Lee Hwa Jewellery.
On V Day itself, he delivered a bouquet of roses with cake if I'm not wrong.
So before their engagement day, they went to celebrate...
& there he was again kneeling down with the ring & proposed to her.
SUPER DUPER SWEET lars. Haish. I wish I had the same luck as her.

This is the result from a Facebook quiz I just took.
A quiz on "What Do I Need Most In A Relationship?"
"Understanding & Patience ".
Although you're not willing to admit it openly, you are very aware that you can be a very difficult person. You're a suffering soul and sometimes lose control of your emotions. Both your biggest wish and greatest fear is falling in love. Your heart desires a lifetime companion, someone who is understanding and who will never give up on you.
This is SO true.
Blogged @ 12:34 AM
Aqeeda

It's been exactly 2 months since I last updated.
Woah. Haha. Finally have the time to update you see.
Cos since school reopened we were so busy.
With projects, exhibitions, tests & examinations.

So learning corner was a success. WAFFS Photoshop! (:
I hope it can help to bring up our previous layout project.
However, LE paper was SUPER hard. HR was okay.
I did well for HR CA also. Thank God. (:

Anyway, eventhough everything is finally over.
I can't help myself but feeling stress.
Stress about exams results and also about my family problems.
I feel so restless & cried over it every now & then.

Well, I've not been talking to my 2nd sis for about 2 yrs now.
& now she's not even talking to my mum.
Every time I see her, I'm speechless. She've changed so much.
It seems like I don't know her anymore. At all.

My past seems to be haunting me once again.
Please let me move on & be a better person than last time.
I admit I have done a lot of mistakes back then.
But without those mistakes, I wouldn't be a wiser & stronger.
Just like what I am right now. (:

To wrap things up, I just wanna wish all Muslim.
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. (:
Jia yo! Just another 4 more days to go! =D
Blogged @ 8:29 PM
Aqeeda