Guys. I wonder. What do they really want from us.
I don't understand guys. Really. I'm so hurt.
On the verge of breaking down again. Hate myself.
I don't need anyone but I hate when all these are happening to me.

One of my ex wanted to patch up. Hmmm.
However, to me, it's lame. After not liking that someone.
Then he's saying all these to me. It's BULLSHIT.
I'm not someone you can forget when you have someone.
& then you can simply come back to me when you don't have anyone else.
I'm SO NOT gonna fall for that sweet words of yours okay.

& I freaking hate LIARS. I hate guys who just give empty promises.
If you can't fcuking keep to that promise, might as well you don't okay!
My ex-es seemed to have these problems. Promises that they can't keep.
Promise that they change, forget their ex, faithful to me.
In the end, fcuk all! They NEVER CHANGE. NEVER FORGET THEIR EX.
WENT CLUBBING WITH SOME OTHER GIRL & LIED TO ME.
CONTACT THEIR EX. STILL WEAR THE RING THEIR EX GAVE.

You know what?! I don't fcuking need you! Guys like you should just extinct!
I'm BETTER off without you okay. Go & fcuk yourself aite!
Hmmm. I think I should go & relax my mind & myself.
Tomorrow, I have to go work for F1. Sorry for my language aite people.
Blogged @ 8:16 PM
Aqeeda

I was browsing through my friend's engagement photos.
Gosh. Deep inside me, I'm so envy of her.
She seems to have the ALMOST perfect life doesn't she?
While here I am, struggling in every bits & pieces of my life.

She was my sec school friend. Her 1st r/s didn't work out.
& now, she's already engaged with the 2nd boyfriend.
Me? Countless of broken r/s & still struggling to trust guys.
Luck is not with me I think. Haish. I'm speechless.

As I looked around & see my closest friends. They are so ahead of me.
One is married, one is engaged. One is about 3yrs plus r/s.
One is 8months r/s & I hardly went out with her anymore.
I know I shouldn't be rushing into this kind of stuffs.

BUT! I have my own reasons. Others are going after their dreams.
But one of my dreams is to have my own dad to walikn my wedding.
I want both my parents to be there to witness my solemnisation.
Mind you, they are not getting younger. Mum is 53 and dad is 59.

I know I have done so many mistakes last time.
I hope that future husband will guide me to the right path.
He's the one who will open my heart & be my everything.
My husband, best friend, companion, guidance...

He will be the one who will show me my new world.
I will not just be a girl and a daughter anymore.
But a wife and a mother. A new level of being a woman.
& I'm so looking forward to that aight. Hmmm...

Mum has been asking when I will be getting married.
It's so hard to answer her that question you see.
I want to but how can I? When I don't even have anyone.
Mum has agreed that she's okay if I were to solemnise at ROM.
Then we will sanding at a later date when we have enough money.

Not only was I left behind in the marriage aspect, but education as well.
I see my friends who I knew back then in Normal Technical stream.
They are now already pursuing their Diploma right now.
But again, here I am, still pursuing Higher Nitec in ITE.

I knew I chose this path. I love being in ITE. Great people & management.
But... I don't even know whether I'm able to go poly after this.
All due to financial problems. I've been waiting for 3yrs you see.
It's not as if i flung my 'O' levels & Nitec. I did well. Haish.

So basically, I feel so down right now... I cried when looking at the photos.
Was I even jealous? She had a secure job with a Diploma pursuing Degree.
Her fiance is a Police Coast Guard with a car & a bike. But the greatest is...
Her fiance is a very nice & patient guy. Never once I heard they had a big quarrel.
Never. For their first 9months of r/s, they nevery had any quarrels before.

& he always have surprises for her. Last year Feb, I went out with them.
I remembered he apologised to her that he was not able to go out with her for V Day.
We were in the car. & there he was giving her a bracelet from Lee Hwa Jewellery.
On V Day itself, he delivered a bouquet of roses with cake if I'm not wrong.
So before their engagement day, they went to celebrate...
& there he was again kneeling down with the ring & proposed to her.
SUPER DUPER SWEET lars. Haish. I wish I had the same luck as her.

This is the result from a Facebook quiz I just took.
A quiz on "What Do I Need Most In A Relationship?"
"Understanding & Patience ".
Although you're not willing to admit it openly, you are very aware that you can be a very difficult person. You're a suffering soul and sometimes lose control of your emotions. Both your biggest wish and greatest fear is falling in love. Your heart desires a lifetime companion, someone who is understanding and who will never give up on you.
This is SO true.
Blogged @ 12:34 AM
Aqeeda

It's been exactly 2 months since I last updated.
Woah. Haha. Finally have the time to update you see.
Cos since school reopened we were so busy.
With projects, exhibitions, tests & examinations.

So learning corner was a success. WAFFS Photoshop! (:
I hope it can help to bring up our previous layout project.
However, LE paper was SUPER hard. HR was okay.
I did well for HR CA also. Thank God. (:

Anyway, eventhough everything is finally over.
I can't help myself but feeling stress.
Stress about exams results and also about my family problems.
I feel so restless & cried over it every now & then.

Well, I've not been talking to my 2nd sis for about 2 yrs now.
& now she's not even talking to my mum.
Every time I see her, I'm speechless. She've changed so much.
It seems like I don't know her anymore. At all.

My past seems to be haunting me once again.
Please let me move on & be a better person than last time.
I admit I have done a lot of mistakes back then.
But without those mistakes, I wouldn't be a wiser & stronger.
Just like what I am right now. (:

To wrap things up, I just wanna wish all Muslim.
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri. (:
Jia yo! Just another 4 more days to go! =D
Blogged @ 8:29 PM
Aqeeda