I was browsing through my friend's engagement photos.
Gosh. Deep inside me, I'm so envy of her.
She seems to have the ALMOST perfect life doesn't she?
While here I am, struggling in every bits & pieces of my life.

She was my sec school friend. Her 1st r/s didn't work out.
& now, she's already engaged with the 2nd boyfriend.
Me? Countless of broken r/s & still struggling to trust guys.
Luck is not with me I think. Haish. I'm speechless.

As I looked around & see my closest friends. They are so ahead of me.
One is married, one is engaged. One is about 3yrs plus r/s.
One is 8months r/s & I hardly went out with her anymore.
I know I shouldn't be rushing into this kind of stuffs.

BUT! I have my own reasons. Others are going after their dreams.
But one of my dreams is to have my own dad to walikn my wedding.
I want both my parents to be there to witness my solemnisation.
Mind you, they are not getting younger. Mum is 53 and dad is 59.

I know I have done so many mistakes last time.
I hope that future husband will guide me to the right path.
He's the one who will open my heart & be my everything.
My husband, best friend, companion, guidance...

He will be the one who will show me my new world.
I will not just be a girl and a daughter anymore.
But a wife and a mother. A new level of being a woman.
& I'm so looking forward to that aight. Hmmm...

Mum has been asking when I will be getting married.
It's so hard to answer her that question you see.
I want to but how can I? When I don't even have anyone.
Mum has agreed that she's okay if I were to solemnise at ROM.
Then we will sanding at a later date when we have enough money.

Not only was I left behind in the marriage aspect, but education as well.
I see my friends who I knew back then in Normal Technical stream.
They are now already pursuing their Diploma right now.
But again, here I am, still pursuing Higher Nitec in ITE.

I knew I chose this path. I love being in ITE. Great people & management.
But... I don't even know whether I'm able to go poly after this.
All due to financial problems. I've been waiting for 3yrs you see.
It's not as if i flung my 'O' levels & Nitec. I did well. Haish.

So basically, I feel so down right now... I cried when looking at the photos.
Was I even jealous? She had a secure job with a Diploma pursuing Degree.
Her fiance is a Police Coast Guard with a car & a bike. But the greatest is...
Her fiance is a very nice & patient guy. Never once I heard they had a big quarrel.
Never. For their first 9months of r/s, they nevery had any quarrels before.

& he always have surprises for her. Last year Feb, I went out with them.
I remembered he apologised to her that he was not able to go out with her for V Day.
We were in the car. & there he was giving her a bracelet from Lee Hwa Jewellery.
On V Day itself, he delivered a bouquet of roses with cake if I'm not wrong.
So before their engagement day, they went to celebrate...
& there he was again kneeling down with the ring & proposed to her.
SUPER DUPER SWEET lars. Haish. I wish I had the same luck as her.

This is the result from a Facebook quiz I just took.
A quiz on "What Do I Need Most In A Relationship?"
"Understanding & Patience ".
Although you're not willing to admit it openly, you are very aware that you can be a very difficult person. You're a suffering soul and sometimes lose control of your emotions. Both your biggest wish and greatest fear is falling in love. Your heart desires a lifetime companion, someone who is understanding and who will never give up on you.
This is SO true.
Blogged @ 12:34 AM
Aqeeda